JizzleJazzle’s Horoscope Oct 7 - Oct 20, 2011

Listen folks, it is getting too much for me to deal with all the drama I forecast in your lives week-to-week. I'm losing hair, making less love and my crystal ball is now turning to rust. So now we're doing this every 2 weeks so I can get my own life together. In the meantime your life is still in worse shape than mine so here's a heads up.

Aries, Leo and Sagittarius:

Wasted energy will lead to some physical problems so be sure to be productive. I always like to use my extra energy to learn new ways of satisfying myself with fruits, vegetables and electrical wires so try that.

Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo:

You've been a little too lax concerning how you discipline the youth around you. Now they are getting out of hand and demanding that you call them ma'am and sir. How did things get this bad? Perhaps it started with you trying to be hip and use all their lingo. It's time to earn respect by being a proper role model which means spraying air freshener after you puff, remembering that if it's brown it must be flushed down and waiting until you're out of your neighborhood to put on your hooker boots.

Libra, Aquarius and Gemini:

You're going to experience a yearning to explore new horizons over the next two weeks. Just be sure that these yearnings don't lead you to any hotel rooms, married lovers or scandalous nude photos taken in your dirty bathroom 'cause you know how you can get.

Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces:

You're gonna grow to better understand those around you. Bad thing is that doesn't mean you will like them more.

I'm JizzleJazzle and remember don't be good, be fabulous.