JizzleJazzle's Horoscope April 9 - April 15, 2010

April 9, 2010NewsComments

Aries, Leo and Sagittarius:

Sleep with one eye open this week, a switchblade under your pillow and a pistol by the nightstand because there's someone in your bed who ain't trustworthy.  I don't know what's up their sleeve but it's certainly not a box of chocolates and flowers, or maybe it is but just not for you!

Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo:

Like a bad bladder ready to burst you're anxious to let loose from the day to day responsibilities of your life.  Tired of waking up for work?  Tired of running errands?  Tired of being tired?  I feel your pain and can tell you that when you gotta pee you just gotta let it out wherever you may be: in the street, on the couch-anywhere!  So when you need a break stop complaining and take one, even if it's just to pee.

Libra, Aquarius and Gemini:

Spring is in the air and that means you need to get it together.  You need to get organized because your house is looking more disheveled than those poor wigs and extensions Britney Spears throws on top of her head.  So clear out the junk mail you've been hoarding to make yourself feel important, get rid of those outfits you'll never fit back into and lord please throw out all those used condoms behind your headboard.  Gees!

Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces

Regret is like overeating and then throwing it all back up.  It makes no sense because you're just back where you started: hungry!  So don't look back with a broken heart, move forward into the future with your head held high, eyes focused on the prize and belly full as you want it to be!



I'm JizzleJazzle and remember don't be good, be fabulous!

April 9, 2010NewsComments