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JizzleJazzle's Horoscope Dec 31 - Jan 6, 2011

December 31, 2010NewsComments

It's that time of the year when you reflect on the year that was and all the resolutions you broke and plan ahead with more New Year's resolutions. Well I'm here to help you from getting ahead of yourself. So let's keep it real about what you really need to focus on this year.

Aries, Leo and Sagittarius:

Your top resolution should be to not make any at all. You're like a fame whore who promises never to speak to the press again and then bam; you're on the Hollywood ho stroll 5 minutes later. Guess we might as well call you, Michael Lohan.

Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo:

How's this for a New Year's resolution? Keep dirty underwear in the laundry bag and not on the kitchen floor. Boo, you need to get your life organized. So let's start with them dirty drawers lying all about, ok?

Libra, Aquarius and Gemini:

This year it's all about the green for you. I don't mean green eyes filled with envy because everyone else around you has a mate, is having endless lovemaking sessions and that you're home alone. I mean the green color of money. So make that dough this year and show that money can buy happiness or at least the look of it.

Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces:

Every year you make the same resolution: to lose weight. How about this year you make a resolution to gain weight? After all who wants to ring in the New Year feeling guilty for eating a whole pie alone at the stroke of midnight?

I'm JizzleJazzle and remember don't be good, be fabulous.

 

 

December 31, 2010NewsComments