JizzleJazzle's Horoscope December 30, 2011 - January 13, 2012
A new year. A new set of resolutions. But guess what, you're still getting old. Learn how to do so gracefully with these resolutions tips that will enhance your future. I'm supposed to write that last part.
Aries, Leo and Sagittarius:
Resolution: Stop trying to lose weight.
Why: Pay no mind to Janet Jackson or Mariah Carey's latest stunt moves promoting weight loss. You are the queen/king of trying it all to lose a few pounds and where has it gotten you? Right back to the front of the McDonald's line is where. So embrace your appetite for food. Just replace it with a whole lot of healthy junk food and can't nobody tell you nothing.
Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo:
Resolution: Do more good.
Why: Well, karma is woman in a red dress out to steal you' man which means she's that five letter word starting with a capital B. Which is why you need to start spreading more good (and less legs) so that you get positive blessings in return.
Libra, Aquarius and Gemini:
Resolution: Answer the credit collectors.
Why: Okay it is time to stop putting on the fake Spanish accent every time you get a call from an 800 number. Pick up that phone and tell that collector you ain't got the money, won't have it no time soon and to shove it. It will bring down your credit score but it will bring up your spirits for the moment.
Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces
Resolution: Go back to school.
Why: That's right it is time to hit the books and advance that "edjumacation" as my grandmother from Down South would say. With the economy as it is why not cash that nice loan refund check and treat yourself to a day at the spa. Well, of course after you buy your books, yeah right.
I'm JizzleJazzle and remember don't be good, be fabulous