JizzleJazzle's Horoscope Jan 14 - Jan 20, 2011

January 14, 2011NewsComments

Profanity is in. Flat butts are out. Spell check is a savior. And the highway is about to get skanky. Your life, this week, on blast, right now.


Aries, Leo and Sagittarius:

Your mouth is getting dirtier this week than a used up condom in the back pocket of Montana Fishburne's jeans. It's time to expand that vocabulary and replace the B word with "malicious," the "S" word with "feculence," and the F word...oh wait nothing can replace the F word, baby.


Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo:

Everyone loves a good laugh but it has to come from a good joke, first. This is not the week to try stand-up so sit down before you're the butt of the jokes. On the other hand your butt would make a few good jokes just from the looks of it. Let's work on some squats this week, shall we?

Libra, Aquarius and Gemini:

Someone is going to call you out this week so you better make sure to cover your a**. Cross all your T's, dot all your I's and then go back and make sure you spelled that mess right to begin with. Spell check somebody, please...

Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces:

If there was ever a time to take a road trip it's this week. You've got someone to watch the kids, you've got some money to spend and you've got your friends to go with you. But most importantly you've got a high libido, which means you'll come out your sexual shell and spread love (and your legs) all up and down the coasts. Work it.


I'm JizzleJazzle and remember don't be good, be fabulous.


January 14, 2011NewsComments