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JizzleJazzle's Horoscope Jan 19 - Feb 4 2010

January 29, 2010NewsComments

I'm JizzleJazzle and I'm your new weekly horoscope reporter.  To tell you a little bit about myself, I live in an abandoned old house full of haunted spirits, altars, with a brewing pot for special sacrifices and a magic ball that I use to read your future.  So you know I'm legit.

 

 

Actually, that couldn't be further from the truth.  I'm just a palm reader from Times Square that these folks at JimmyJazz.com decided to make an honorable person of with a real gig.  But I do know my stuff so read on.

 

Aries, Leo and Sagittarius:

You've got a big head-no, not that head.   I'm talking about the top one honey and it's full of imagination and a vision that is bound to bring you happiness and increased wealth.  You're a creative being so let the creative juices flow and remember when you make the bucks send JizzleJazzle a percentage.  Cash only 'cause I don't know who you be!

 

Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo:

Hold on for dear life!  There's a storm-a-coming but it's all in your mind (that way you won't mess up that new weave).  Anywho, you're not gonna like what I'm about to say but this week is gonna be a doozy.  You'll feel a sense of self-doubt and discouragement but know that this too shall pass.  After all if Mariah Carey can re-release her latest underperforming album and still have hope then baby you better have some too!

 

Libra, Aquarius and Gemini:

Babyyyyy, this week you are really feeling yourself.  You're having a need for physical thrills and your energy and reflexes are looking real good.  So put all that energy to good use.  Buy a sex toy and burn that plastic pleasure stick or lips!

 

Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces:

This week is the time to pay off those debts 'cause they are surely gonna be resurfacing.  So instead of taking that $100 and buying something foolish you better pay them bills before they cut off your lights and heat.  It's a recession so manage your finds wisely.  These streets ain't paved with gold unless you're a streetwalker, that is.

 

I'm JizzleJazzle and remember the don't be good, be fabulous!

January 29, 2010NewsComments