JizzleJazzle's Horoscope Jan 7 - Jan 13, 2011

January 7, 2011NewsComments

Boasts, babies you didn't know you had, low funds and Lauryn Hill's tardiness.  Your future is all over the place this week.


Aries, Leo and Sagittarius:

All of your words will come back to haunt you this week.  Remember when you told folks about the hot new car you got?  Well ya ain't never have it and now folks are starting to wonder what's the deal.  They have yet to see you drive up in a BMW.  So I suggest you call Zipcar, ride the rental car twice around the block and return it before you incur late fees (you know you can't afford that).


Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo:

This is the week of finding old things that you really don't need.  For example you might find out you have a baby somewhere out in the world from a one-night stand.  But do you really need a baby? I mean honestly, do you want to wake up at all hours in the morning, have to use most of your income to buy baby formula and diapers and learn new words like "coochie-coo?"  I didn't think so.

Libra, Aquarius and Gemini:

Money is tight this week. So I suggest you pull a Toni Braxton and convince your family (your alcoholic aunt and perverted uncle are top picks) to do a reality show (on YouTube of course) and consider posing nude for a magazine (try some animal wildlife publication).  Now that's a financial comeback plan.

Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces:

You're bound to be late this week to just about everything.  You may even show up on the wrong date to a few events.  But when the haters give you hell for your tardy appearances you tell them like Ms. Lauryn Hill: "I spent my enter 20's sacrificing my life to give you love...I personally know I'm worth the wait."  Those two lines right there will set a hater straight.


I'm JizzleJazzle and remember don't be good, be fabulous.


January 7, 2011NewsComments