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JizzleJazzle's Horoscope July 23 - July 29, 2010

July 26, 2010NewsComments

With so much talk about weddings and divorces this week in celebrity land, it's time to find out what's in the stars for you this week when it comes to love and marriage.

 

Aries, Leo and Sagittarius:

This week you really need to dig deep and ask yourself the burning question:  are you truly ready to trade in nights of wild partying ending with you running naked down public streets; endless one night stands and sexting at all hours of the day and night for the life of a married man?  Uh, who am I kidding?  Just pretend you're Jessie James meets The Dream meets Tiger Woods and you get the best of both worlds.

 

Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo:

Of course every bride wants to wear virginal white for their big day but baby, let's be honest.  You need off-off-white.  The only hole where you're a virgin is in that hole in your head, Ms. Delusional.  So don't go walking down that aisle with your nose in the air like your woo-hoo is tighter than a boxer's fist when it's loose as a goose.  Even sluts have to stay true to themselves.

Libra, Aquarius and Gemini:

Don't let your emotions go gettin' the best of you this week.  You're bound to feel exhausted, disappointed, frustrated and unsatisfied-and that's just after foreplay.  Remember marriage is work.  So before you go heading for divorce make sure you've done all you can to resolve the issues.  If not, well just think about the alimony...think about the alimony..!

 

Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces:

True love is a rare thing and you're blessed to have found it this week.  Your face is glowing, you're walking with more confidence and you're happier than ever before.  Too bad 'cause everyone around you is feeling the love too.  But just keep on letting all the haters stare at you with their mouths open like groupies on their knees in the NBA locker room.  Oh, the power of love.

 

I'm JizzleJazzle and remember don't be good, be fabulous.

 

 

July 26, 2010NewsComments