JizzleJazzle's Horoscope July 30 - August 29, 2010
Another random look at your life this week. Read it and weep.
Aries, Leo and Sagittarius:
Somebody is risking falling off the wagon, down a ditch and into a dirty back alley if they don't straighten up and fly right. And no I'm not talking about Lindsay Lohan, I'm talking about you child. You've been on the straight and narrow but now you want to test the limits and play with fire. Well go on but just remember when you feel a burning sensation under your butt it's not just your hemorrhoids; it's also the heat that you can't take.
Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo:
You're realizing this week that time is your most precious commodity so use it wisely. That means limiting perusing gossip blogs, pleasuring yourself and eating junk food. Wait, did I just eliminate three of my favorite activities in life that keep me motivated and inspired? Uhm, yeah let's ignore this one.
Libra, Aquarius and Gemini:
Patience is not your virtue this week. You can't wait to use the bathroom, can't wait to eat, can't wait to leave work and can't wait to go to sleep. What you need to do is learn that waiting is sometimes the best part of life. Take the time to do your nails, floss your teeth, and scratch the dandruff out your hair. Damn just get a hobby and you'll have no trouble waiting.
Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces:
If you feel like doing something out of the ordinary this week let's start very basic: smile. You're so grouchy not even, Mel Gibson will return your phone calls. Now you know you need some help. Just smile.
I'm JizzleJazzle and remember don't be good, be fabulous.