JizzleJazzle's Horoscope July 9 - July 15, 2010
Smell that? It's the smell of dried armpits, booty sweat and musty testicles. Aww, summer is in the air. To get you started on the right foot this season read on.
Aries, Leo and Sagittarius:
There's a heat wave this week and it's not only in the air; it's also in your head. You're so hot headed that every person you blow catches fever. Yikes! Now it's time to calm down and not let the heat get the best of you. All you have to do is inhale...exhale...inhale...exhale...and blow. Now I don't mean that kind of blow ya nasty freak. Although...
Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo:
Fatback. Muffin tops. Panty waste. It's summer and all the bit parts are bound to be on display at the beach even if they shouldn't be. This week you need to resist the temptation to join the pack of having your you-know-what hanging out there like a saggy wet T-shirt on a dry clothing line. Get the visual? Okay then. Let's try and keep it a little classy this season and not go buckwild!
Libra, Aquarius and Gemini:
Sometimes during the summer you just want to lie on your bed with the AC on full blast and do absolutely nothing. Unfortunately you're not Jay-Z or Beyonce and can't afford to sit on your crusty behind. When Jay and B do it they collect royalties; when you do it you go into collections. So don't let the dog days of summer eat you up and spit you out this season. You gotta make moves no matter how lazy you get.
Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces:
I know you want that beach bod this season but you're going to have to work hard this week to make it happen. I'm talking about a Kate Moss diet of a bean for every three meals. I'm talking about running that treadmill like you're a Black man ducking racial profiling from the police. You better werk!
I'm JizzleJazzle and remember don't be good, be fabulous.