JizzleJazzle's Horoscope June 25 - July 1, 2010
With the new iPhone 4 out this week the phone lines will be a-blazin' and we'll all become motor mouths just chit-chatting away. I've got some phone tips that will make your world a whole lot easier to manage this week if you manage to pay your bill on time. SMH.
Aries, Leo and Sagittarius:
You've got scandalous photos in your gallery section, incriminating voice memos about your plan to sabotage your evil boss and sexts that would make Tiger Woods giddy like a sex addict in the middle of the Red Light District. It's time for you to clear out your phone 'cause something is bound to come back and haunt you this week. So guard that phone like it's the last piece of cornbread on Thanksgiving Day.
Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo:
This is the week to turn your ringer off, put it on vibrate and have a little alone time in your bedroom with your phone. Yeah, I said it! There's a reason why a phone can vibrate and that's 'cause it's a multitasking secret sex machine. Just make sure you don't accidentally dial your mother while you're err, taking your private call.
Libra, Aquarius and Gemini:
You text legitimate emergencies, break-up via email, leave voice messages such as "hey," and Tweet your friends from your phone with the message to call you. Now does any of this backwards communication make any kinda logic? Hells no! It's time you learned the etiquettes of phone usage and you can start by doing us all a favor and turning your phone off until you get some sense in your head.
Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces:
You suspect your partner is up to no good so like any well-balanced adult who knows how to communicate effectively you've got an elaborate plan to hack your lover's password and browse through their phone for evidence of cheating. Chile you need to stop. Save that foolishness for insecure, jealous, possessive, foolish and fearful lovers. Oh, who am I kidding? That's all of us. Go on then and see if you come up with any dirt!
I'm JizzleJazzle and remember don't be good, be fabulous.