JizzleJazzle's Horoscope March 12 - 18 2010
Aries, Leo and Sagittarius:
You're going to feel a little left of center this week but that's ok. If your friends throw a party and forget to invite you just call them up the next day and let them know they're invited to a party in your pants! Don't take it personal when you're left out of the fun activities and major opportunities this week. Just take it as a moment to get even fiercer for next week and throw it in everyone's face like a true diva/divo.
Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo:
This is the week to turn the other cheek and by cheek I mean butt cheek. You need to turn those things up, down, side to side, inside out and all around. This is your week to work out like an anorexic Hollywood actress going psycho after eating a bean! So get busy on looking great 'cause its lights, camera and action for you by the end of this week as your social calendar fills up.
Libra, Aquarius and Gemini:
Careful my child this week: don't confuse temptation for an opportunity you should take advantage of. Before you are tempted to do something disastrous think of the consequences. To help you out here's a list of scenarios:
Temptation: Being too horny and having sex with someone you're not really attracted to.
Consequence: An unattractive child you're stuck with for life.
Temptation: Stealing from work.
Consequence: Ending up on the unemployment line next to the cast of "Flavor of Love," season one.
Temptation: Smacking someone who pisses you off
Consequence: Who cares? Smack a heffa up if they're hating!
Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces:
Sometimes it's best not to say anything at all and those times include: right after eating a garlic meal, throwing up or giving a blowjob. Other times include when you just don't know what the hell you're talking about. This week is one of those weeks when you don't want to get caught out there looking like a fool. So zip it, listen and learn. It'll give you plenty of things to talk about the week after. Let's just hope you have someone willing to listen.
I'm JizzleJazzle and remember don't be good, be fabulous!