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JizzleJazzle's Horoscope May 14 - May 20, 2010

May 14, 2010NewsComments

Betty White was absolutely fantastic on "Saturday Night Live," this past weekend and that got me to a-think' about all my seniors out there who need some guidance this week.  Aging ain't easy and this week I'm focusing on giving you the tips on doing it right.

Aries, Leo and Sagittarius:

This week you're discovering that aging isn't always a graceful process.  Sometimes it is a surgical one, and honey you need it a little more than others.  So don't be afraid to get a little or a whole of lot o' nip/tuck here, there and frankly, everywhere.  Some say Black don't crack but honey, I know for a fact plastic don't crack!  Now get with that.

Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo:

Not everyone can be old and hip like Betty White so don't force the funk.  You're using slang that you can barely wrap your tongue around, wearing low waist jeans that show your Depends and rocking hair colors that don't bring out your eyes; just the liver spots on your face.  So it's high time to act yo' age and be hip without breaking a hip.

Libra, Aquarius and Gemini:

This week you are discovering that things simply ain't the way they used to be.  But honey, look on the bright side.  So ya don't have all your teeth but hey who needs that to get in the way of a little fellatio?  Your breasts sag but you can now use them to dust as you mop naked.  You don't hear so well but hey, at least you won't hear your lover scream out some other chick's name in bed.  Reach for the bright side, my dear.

Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces

When you get older you're supposed to work smarter and not harder.  You got them young tramps around the office running you ragged; girl and you need to let them know you've paid your dues.  You slept with all the right people to move up and kissed enough ass to give you diarrhea for a lifetime.  So you go into work this week and let them know who is boss.

I'm JizzleJazzle and remember don't be good, be fabulous!

 

May 14, 2010NewsComments