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JizzleJazzle's Horoscope May 20 - May 26, 2011

May 20, 2011NewsComments

The moon is rising, the sun is in the seventh house, stars are shifting and I really don't have a clue what the hell I'm talking about. But you love me anyway.

 

Aries, Leo and Sagittarius:

Life doesn't have to be complicated. If you're hungry you eat. If you're tired you sleep. If you're stuck in a sex position you can't get out of you call 911, smack the freak that put you there and then realize that your bones are not as limber as they once were. Behave yourself.

 

Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo:

This week you're about to find out how it feels to "the other." And I don't mean in the Nicole Kidman horror movie way I mean in the way that you've been duped by the mate you've been trusting. Here is a free pass to the buffet line 'cause somebody is gonna have to eat their troubles away. Save me a biscuit.

 

Libra, Aquarius and Gemini:

There's something brewing deep down inside of you like a rumbling of nature. Yes, it's the sound of your bowels moving but underneath that is the actual sound I'm hearing of your instincts guiding you in the right direction (to the toilet). Oh, just kidding but really listen closely because it will drop soon (no pun intended).

 

Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces:

There is a new call for action that is bringing your focus back on the home front. It's the call of bill collectors before you end up in foreclosure. You might want to stop reading now and answer that phone, honey.

 

I'm JizzleJazzle and remember don't be good, be fabulous.

 

May 20, 2011NewsComments