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JizzleJazzle's Horoscope May 27 – June 2, 2011

May 27, 2011NewsComments155 Views

Before Memorial Day honored the memories of brave fallen soldiers it was about general expressions of memories. I'll go with the latter interpretation to make fun of.

 

Aries, Leo and Sagittarius:

This week you might want to remember that old woman who is sitting home alone eating cat food and picking the dandruff out of her nether regions. Yeah, you know your mom. You two have been estranged for so long that this is the perfect time to kiss and make up. Bring a meal and some Head & Shoulders.

 

Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo:

It can be hard to visit the grave of an ex especially since you will realize now there really is no chance of you two getting back together. So, I, say go since this is the week of closure where you can face the reality that you may be alone for the rest of your life. Well, there's always hell, I mean heaven.

Libra, Aquarius and Gemini:

You're gonna have a few dreams about a lover long gone to the other side. The good thing is that they'll be wet dreams. Sleep with a few towels near the bedside, you freak.

 

Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces:

Sometimes the best thing is not to remember. Forget the past and start anew. Who needs memories when you never had a life to begin with? Now make one!

 

I'm JizzleJazzle and remember don't be good, be fabulous.

 

Horoscope

 

May 27, 2011NewsComments155 Views