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JizzleJazzle's Horoscope May 6 - May 12, 2011

May 6, 2011NewsComments235 Views

You know the damn drill...

 

Aries, Leo and Sagittarius:

Try to avoid being a scene-stealer this week. You're like the trashy slutty sister of the bride who tries to upstage the whole thing by showing everyone that the hair on top is the same color as the hair on the bottom. Do us a favor and keep your legs closed this week.

 

Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo:

Luck is in alignment for you. So go out and gamble. Hit on the person you've been crushing on for so long. Step in front of traffic. No, really step in front of traffic. I promise you'll be lucky. What? Don't you trust me?

Libra, Aquarius and Gemini:

Marriage is on your mind but the problem is you're single. Well, just pull a Britney Spears: get high (choose your own poison), find an old flame, get married and have it annulled the next day. It may not do much good in the long-term but few marriages do, right?

 

Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces:

Your appetite is quite big this week. Unfortunately so are your thighs, hips and buttocks. Yeah, you've been truing to lose weight but just give into your cravings. And when someone says you'll only feel bad about it tomorrow you tell him or her that's why you live in the present moment. Haters!

 

I'm JizzleJazzle and remember don't be good, be fabulous.

 

May 6, 2011NewsComments235 Views