JizzleJazzle's Horoscope May 7 - May 13, 2010

May 7, 2010NewsComments

With this week's Mother's Day it's time to reevaluate your relationship with your mother and put her in check, a nursing home or if she deserves it, shower her with money (love can come later).  Read below to find out what's in store for you and your mother this week.

Aries, Leo and Sagittarius:

Sometimes you got to turn the tables on mama's to let them know that just because you came out of their vagina don't mean you're p**** whipped!  This is the week to stop letting your mother control your relationships, dictate what career you choose, and tell you how to raise your kids and all.  If she wants another baby just give her your next born and let her raise the baby.  I bet you she'll back down then.


Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo:

It's time to go back home and learn to appreciate what you have.  Whether or not your mother is overbearing, a drunk, left you outside on a stranger's stoop or whatever the case may be; you gotta face the fact that ya only got one mama.  You owe her everything 'cause ya almost killed her as she tried to squeeze that big noggin of yours out during delivery.  So cherish yo' mama!

Libra, Aquarius and Gemini:

So ya got 5 brothers and 6 sisters yet you're the only one who takes mom out, buys her gifts and wipes her behind in old age.  Well, it's time you take this Mother's Day off.  That's right don't do jack for mom.  Instead go on a day trip, then call all of your siblings and tell them mom just called and said she fell and can't get up, have them all rush over there all worried and teary eyed.  When they get there and see that mama's okay, well, they're stuck.  Now that's what I call bringing the family closer.

Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces

Let me give you a little hint as what to get mom this year: no perfume!  She is tired of smelling like Elizabeth Taylor's blood diamonds, I mean white diamonds.  She is tired of sitting in a hot a** church with smelly old people who don't know if they're at their funeral rehearsal or Mother's Day celebration.  She is tired of going out to eat and knowing she could've whipped up something better at home.  What mama wants this year is cold hard cash to pay her back for all the expenses in rent, food, school, clothing and bail (ya know who you are) that ya owe her.  So pay up or keep ya butt home!


I'm JizzleJazzle and remember don't be good, be fabulous!


May 7, 2010NewsComments