JizzleJazzle's Horoscope November 12 - 18, 2010

November 14, 2010NewsComments

This one's for the lonely, delusional, broke and confused.  It's pretty much for all members of my family who need help ASAP!


Aries, Leo and Sagittarius:

Sometimes you have to live and let live, even if the one you're letting live is a freeloader.  This week you'll just have to put up for a little bit longer because you're too emotionally vulnerable to be lonely at this point.   I mean, do you really want to spend your weekends watching the paint dry on the walls, staring at your nails to calculate the rate at which they grow and picking out the dandruff in your hair flake by flake?


Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo:

When I grow up I want to be a star.  That's what you said at the age of 6 but guess what, honey, dreams die fast.  You're nowhere near being a star unless you use the official definition, which is a hot ball of gas.  So stop chasing stars and get real.  Which means if anything you'll end up being more Frankie (Keyshia Cole's mama) than Halle Berry.  Man, down!

Libra, Aquarius and Gemini:

You can run but you can't hide from a little thing called the IRS.  They are on your back like red lipstick on Christina Aguilera.  A bloody mess, it is.  So it's time to get your finances in order before you need to resort to making cameos in MC hammer diss videos to make ends meet.  And lord knows he ca only afford to pay through a bartering system.

Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces:

You're so confused that you can't find your mouth from a hole in the wall, which makes no sense since the former is always stuffed unlike the latter.  (You knows you kinky and greedy).  So perhaps you should meditate.  Put a stick up our butt, act like you're holier than thou, close your eyes and hum a sweet lullaby to yourself.  Hey, that's how Gwyneth Paltrow does it.


I'm JizzleJazzle and remember don't be good, be fabulous.


November 14, 2010NewsComments