JizzleJazzle's Horoscope October 22 - 28, 2010
This week you have more in touch with celebrities than ever before. And no, I'm not talking about DUI's and rehab. I'm talking about rumors. You're facing the same rumors as some big stars such as pregnancy, promiscuity and rivalry. Wanna know how to address the rumors like a class act? Well, then read another horoscope. But if you want to know how to address the rumors so that they never return then read on.
Aries, Leo and Sagittarius:
Beyonce and Mariah Carey aren't the only ones with pregnancy rumors. Apparently your whole family and co-workers think you've got a fetus kicking and screaming at your insides too. So here's my tip on beating the rumor: tell them it's a bad case of bloating and gas, let a stinky one rip and watch them all disperse never to come back trying to get into your business.
Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo:
While the rest of the world wonders who is Kim Kardashian fooling around with this
hour year, a small group of folks are curious about your sex life and wondering who is causing you to arrive to work bowlegged every morning. So simply make a sex tape starring none other than you and Mr. Fingers (the pinky usually does it for me), play it for all to see and instantly clear up the rumors of you being a low down skank. On the other hand you might now be considered a pervert but at least that's one rumor down.
Libra, Aquarius and Gemini:
R&B singer Monica's NBA boyfriend, Shannon Brown isn't the only one being accused of having a baby out there somewhere in the world waiting for their child support checks. You too are facing rumors of being someone's baby daddy. But that's ok just volunteer for a paternity test, switch the results with some fool and go free. That's the only way to solve this dilemma because deep down you know you that baby's daddy.
Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces:
Rumors of you and your best friend fighting? Just take a tip from Ciara and Keri Hilson who got on uStream this week to say no they are not backstage pulling out each other's horsehair and screaming obscenities at each other. After all the latter would butcher whatever remains of their vocal chords after stretching them to the limit lip-synching. So get on camera with your rival and secretly throw mad shade at each other while smiling for the world to see your united front. That's how you play the game.
I'm JizzleJazzle and remember don't be good, be fabulous.