JizzleJazzle's Horoscope September 3 - 9, 2010

For the tired, romantically challenged, obnoxious and frustrated this one is for you.

Aries, Leo and Sagittarius:

Dozing off while you're on the toilet? Forgetting to put on a fresh pair of stainless underwear when getting dressed in the morning? Hmm, sounds like you could use a few more zzz's or risk ending up looking like this sweet piece of beauty here.

Capricorn, Taurus and Virgo:

Love is like rehab; you keep going back to it no matter how many times you fall off. So it's no surprise that you're considering getting back into a relationship this week that is really not healthy for you. I implore you to turn the other way and leave it alone. Of course you should only do so after you find another partner who can pleasure you just as much in bed. Never underestimate the healing powers of a random booty call.

Libra, Aquarius and Gemini:

Yeah we all say stupid things once in a while but this week you're really letting it fly. You're being offensive, rude and straight up obnoxious. The worst part is that you can't even use being drunk as an excuse. Yeah, every time I do something idiotic like take a piss in the middle of a supermarket aisle (hey, gotta go when you gotta go) I turn around and say I'm drunk. But it ain't gonna work this week for ya so shape up or shut up.

Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces:

There's gonna be some drama at work this week that will make you want to upstage JetBlue flight attendant, Steven Slater with your own diva "I quit this ish" scene. Just remember unless you plan to quit on an airplane and skydive off that baby, you're best just putting in a professional letter of resignation and going home to a nice cold beer.

I'm JizzleJazzle and remember don't be good, be fabulous.