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A woman was cleaning her husband’s dresser drawers when she found 3 golf balls and a box with $2000 in it. She waited for him to come home from the golf course to ask him why these things were hidden in his dresser drawer. The husband said I'm sorry I hid this from you but the truth is every time I cheated on you over the last 30 years I put a golf ball in the drawer. The wife was very upset at first but after thinking about it said "I guess 3 times in 30 years is really not that bad! Oh by the way what is the $2000 in the drawer? The husband replied" Well every time I got to a dozen balls I sold them.

Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with the hot girl at work, but she had a boyfirend. One day Eddie got so desperate that he went to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you'll let me have sex with you." the girl looked at him shocked and said "***** no!" He said, "I'll be real quick, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend over and get it, and I'll be finshed by the time you pick it up." She thought for a moment and told him she would have to talk to her boyfriend. So she called him and explained the situation. Her boyfriend says "Ask him for $200, pick up the money really reall fast, and he won't even be able to get his pants down!" She agrees and accepts the proposal. 30 minutes goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 mintues the boyfriend calls and asks "WTF happened?" Still breathing hard she managed to reply" THAT ***** HAD ALL QUARTERS!!!"

This Recession is so bad the stock brokers are asking Crackheads for spare change. When the people a GM asks for their bonus they said say man I got these Cheese Burgers, come on man ill clean yo Muffler. Fo mo in my cup, i'll give u da whole tune up.

Okay, i have two... a blonde was driving and pulled up to the YMCA. she looked up at the sign and said...How the heck did they spell Macy's wrong? Why did the blonde tip toe pass the medicine cabinet? She didnt want to wake the sleeping pills :)

A wife comes home early to find her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me--a faithful wife, the mother of your children! "I want a divorce right away!" And the husband replied, "Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened." Fine go ahead, she sobbed, but they'll be the last words you'll say to me! And the husband began-- "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home,and this lady here asked me for a lift. She looked down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin,not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for 3 days. So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night that you wouldn't eat because your're afraid you'll put on weight. Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower and gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear becaue you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste. I found the blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has the same pair. The husband took a quick breath and continued-- She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, "PLEASE...DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELSE THAT YOUR WIFE DOESN'T USE?"

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